My 21st Birthday

So I should really be doing my assignment right now, but today.. I'm definitely having the mood to express my feelings.. I've always been wondering if it is actually possible to shed any tears when someone or group of people hold a surprise birthday party for you and makes u feel like crying right when they holding birthday cake in front of you while singing the birthday song. Oh well... so it's my 21st birthday today.. I've always been thinking of how it's gonna be celebrated and I'm not even surprised that I ended up celebrating my birthday doing assignments, which is the same as last few years. I even asked few of friends out for gathering so that I don't have to celebrate my birthday alone again this year, but I decided to "postpone" it since few of them aren't available whether they are not in the state or having other business that day.. not that we are not gonna have fun together and I know that we gonna enjoy each other's company..But.. I thought.. what's the point for asking people out for celebrating if it actually makes you feet more "alone"..? Well.. Few of my friends did ask me out to celebrate and have a good time on my birthday.. but oh well, I had to turn them down and.. to be honest.. It was because of assignments again.. and I keep reminding myself that having birthday doesn't give me the excuse to abandon my study and time..
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I was totally fine to have celebrated my birthday without "celebrating" since that's how I've always been "celebrating" my birthday.. However, my brother's girlfriend actually came over my place today bringing tons of food and few slices of cake for me after finding out I'm not able to go out and have fun on my birthday but instead.. staying at home having assignments to keep me company..on my 21st birthday.. And I wasn't even close enough with my brother's girlfriend.. But I'm still very glad that she made the effort to do all these things for me, whether she's doing for the sake of sincerity or not. She even made my family to sing birthday song to me via webcam.. and through the video, I saw all my family members together at the time... and I haven't been together with my family members for not a period that I could remember, not even when I was living in the same house with them... At that moment, I did feel like crying..This might not be an "awesome" way to celebrate 21st birthday, but for the first time.. I truly understand the meaning of birthday, and that means having your beloved ones being grateful to have you born in this world.

Jotting down dreams

First of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR FOR MYSELF in this 2014 and years so-on. Been awhile since i ever blogged and there was so much happening for the past few months of my holidays until return to my uni life recently, a week of uni felt like a month to me.. well, I supposed I shouldn't have said this. Oh well.. things happened during my holidays in both good ways and bad ways as well, but I guessed that's what we called life ehh? We should keep moving on when things aren't in the way we wanted, but we should always stay strong while picking up the pieces hence chase after our goals through efforts, "it's painful to have dreams sometimes", but it's rather painful not to have one... almost as numb. Wait... Why am suddenly I talking about these stuff anyway.. 
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
So, I did this quiz earlier which then the result stated that I'm pretty distressed myself despite the fact that most of the time I spent was just slacking off... but somehow I wasn't surprised with the result. The site was pretty interesting tho... I should prolly share it here as well.. here y'all go : http://mp.weixin.qq.com/mp/appmsg/show?__biz=MjM5NjAyOTk4NQ%3D%3D&appmsgid=10014713&itemidx=6&sign=2e61ad7af851ae94715cadc3f57e8ce3&scene=4#wechat_redirect
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And.. how did I go bragging about another thing again... Welll.. well.. I've just been to this gathering with club mates yesterday and there was this girl I talked to whom couldn't stop talking about her dreams and how her friends ended up getting positive recognition by story-telling her dreams in their creative writings.. essay..artwork.. etc..
I wasn't really interested about her dreams anyway.. not that they're not "artistic".. Just not my thing.. -.- even though all I wanted was just for her to shut up. (woots.. seems like I'm pretty hot-tempered today)
But.. I'm particularly agree with her idea of jotting down details of the dreams in turn to help remembering the fun parts... hmmm, I should perhaps start doing that as well. From today onwards, I shall start jotting down my dreams via blogging! ^_^ tee heee~

people are complicated

So here am I again trying to voice some of my thoughts about human.. from.. the perspective as a human. After meeting and talking to people with different personalities. I'm not saying that what I going to say is true or fixed but just another piece of my perspective.
exp 1: For a girl who's saying another girl as judgmental material but at the same time criticizing other girls for wearing provocative, doesn't that just make u the same as judgmental as the girl you mentioned? because u pretty much just judged someone on their appearance.
exp2: Walking in a gallery pretended with "professional" attitude but talked rudely to elder woman for being noisy and lack of respect to the surroundings/paintings. But how is your own attitude make u any different from the others even if you were trying to be "highly moral" infront of your favorite artist paintings? Didn't that just make u the same as ignorant and less respectful to the paintings for being angry with other people under this kind of circumstances? Do you really think that acting in that way in a perhaps-high-class gallery/exhibition would make you any different or better than anybody else? really? how much is your understanding for your so-called ART?
exp3: Everyone wants to be different, listen to songs that are different than everyone else.. saying that pop songs are made for the sake of people liking. How do you explain your appreciation toward songs that less people listen just because it's "different"(or maybe that's what you called music)? of course you can talk about how those songs have deeper meanings and stuff, but there can be many reasons for one to like something that makes them feel comfortable. So why won't you just stop judging and let people to like things based on their own reasons. It's like you're trying not to judge, but you have already proved you're just as ignorant and pretentious during the process.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Maybe typing this pile of text has already proven I'm also a judgmental person. But what I'm trying to say is that humans are weird creatures, the hardest thing for me to be as a human is to be honest to myself yet it is also one of the thing I never stop trying to be and still find it difficult. Yet, there are always contradiction happen to the people around us including ourselves, the funny thing is we are always the last one to ever find out the conflict within our own.

like

Its been awhile again ever since i blogged.. but today.. there is something that i must mention.Recently i just finished a project in uni and there was this f*ckin irritating teacher who trying to mess with me.. as she was probably the one who is gonna mark my project.. i have gt no choice but to consult with this ignorant "teacher" who was so fulled of herself and ofcourse.. most other students think she is disgusting as well.anyway.. she was the type of person who just not gonna appreciate the effort of others no matter how hard they try.. and no matter how hard i try to reach her expectation.. she just focused on criticizing instead of giving real advise..she is just that irritating even as a human. And because all this.. i was feeling so distressed.. however.. when i think of my days during foundation.. i realized that even though i didnt achieve much of super duper good grades for my foundation project.. i still love all the pieces that i have done during that period.. and all the experiences and artworks are still my favourite compare to degree.. this is when i realized i should always do whatever i like for this moment..and i dont have to care about reaching any expectation as long as i enjoy the moment doing what i want to do.. because.. if u cant please other no matter how much u have tried.. why not save the effort and time on creating something that you truly like and make u yourself proud..? you can chase after or set any target u like for your own future.. but never let the future ruin your presence.

A call

So here am i posting again.. After the last few months.. As information, i have not been in really good condition lately.. Mostly stuff from Uni and laptop issue i had (tho its probably fixed now) Anyway, i just finished calling with my father..well we usually dont have much common topic together as we dont talk as much eventho we are on call.. So.. Jz now he was just asking how am i doin as usual and i just replied that I've feeling stressed wit my study lately.. Good thing was he asked me not to get too hard on myself and rather just try my best.. And asked me to call him anytime when I dont feel well before we ended the call..while whole conversation only lasted for maybe 15 mins.. Maybe its just my condition.. I literally shed a tear right after the call..

Whenever I'm slacking off

Whenever I'm slacking off, I like to think about some deep theories.. so what I've thought today is >> There are ppl who changed gradually according to period of time (oh well.. everyone changes), for some of those ppl who chg to way better often feel proud of themselves n thnking they would do anythng not to go back to how they were before. But, wats important for me is.. ppl may hate their pasts, but one should be grateful n not forget about all of it.. becz those r part of us which we cant get rid of, n those r wat made us stronger today. And for me, those who couldnt accept their pasts are weak n lost eventhough they may appear to be stronger based on the outside. ///////////////////////// If you noe wat i min. :)

the day i skipped class :X

So yeap, I skipped my lecture and tutorial for today becz im already in the easter holiday's mood. Bt anyway, I did go to a couple of places in city today.. 1st i was reli desperate for a good, satisfying breakfast.. bt instead, I was too desperate that i ended up having just breads for breakfast.. then, aftr I spent sum money on cosmetics, i made my way to NGV by tram and only found out that it's usually closed on every Tues.. instead of chilling at NGV coffee place, I had to make my way back to the nearby Starbucks to just.. sit, relaxed n chilled.. well.. while reading the script of my club's production..(wic i did not understand a sht abt the story since it was too abstract) So when I was sitting on the tram waiting to reach starbucks, an old lady behind me was suddenly passed out.. so there were few ppl who were taking care of the lady and informing the tram's driver abt the fainted lady.. well, she wasnt reli fainted bt she wasnt conscious.. so wen the driver asked her hw does she felt, she was saying sumthin lik "im sweaty.. bla bla bla" and stuff u see.. her face was clearly pale tho.. then the driver quickly got her sum water and stopped the tram service while ther was another older man thumbs up at the driver and praised him "..goo..d..good.." :P Since the tram is no longer operating at dat moment, I had to get the tram behind.. so there were quite loads of ppl who were entering so luckily i gt a seat, bt i was ended up having to giv my seat to an old man who happened to stand infront of me... and it was my 1st time of actually asking the person to take my seat rather than just get off my seat silently and hope for d person to take my seat...well, atlis I done a good deed when i was skipping classes.. LOL /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// oh well, tho i skipped my classes.. I still had a pretty good and smooth day.. atlis I actually felt alive by wondering around the city even just alone rather than sitting in tutorial pretending to be brainstorming of ideas.. well, I wasnt reli alone all day, I met wit yoyo and bernice... bt d point was I realized that Im trying too hard to not being stressed when its actually the main reason of y I'm stressed lately.. or u can put it this way >> Im stressing of trying not to be stressed.. if u noe wat i min..

2013

So... It's finally 2013 and I'm still alive... the last summer I did not do shit.. well.. dats not the point.. the point is, I realized i should just keep blogging and stuff.. who knows it might actually be helpful for my rationale writtings or sum sht lik dat.. :X alright.. so based on my zodiac, dis year supposed to be pretty good for rooster ppl.. and i too believe it.. but somehow i just felt lik sumthin's missing.. as if im sort of afraid/bored and I cant really figure out wat is it.. the good news is I've finally got into a chinese theatre club in melb uni as the editor there.. well, the ONLY editor i supposed.. and wat the club members said to me wen finding out im the new editor was >> " wowww, being an editor is real hard and u gonna hav loads of works to do!!" << and i do believe it.. so.. *fingers crossed* //////////////////////////////////////////////// Anyway, the first thing i learned in this year is dat.. well.. as usuall.. One should always be open-minded whther to urself or other people.. In contrast.. People are not always like what we think they are, or what they say make them what they are.. people lie, pretend and stuff.. not even with the reason to be understood by other people nor themselves... which is really complicated for me to trust others.. So I guess I should just keep calm and .. owhh well.. *fingers crossed* Hope this is gonna be a good year ahead :3 <3

random quote ;)

hiiiiii :D so i'm back again~ i noe i hvnt been posting thes few erm... weeks? bu there am i again >:DDD u see, i'll just nvr kill my blog.. yet :) ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// anyway, i've found dis quote frm fb and i thnk it seems to be making sense :) 我们错过的不是时间，而是感觉。

생일을 축하합니다

it's donghae's bday today!! x333 happy bday 2 u~ happy bday 2 u~ happy bday 2 u~ happy bday 2 u~ <3 생일을 축하합니다

latest fav> tonari no kaibutsu-kun

it's been awhile since i read manga:P anyway, i've been really interested in this manga alot >> tonari no kaibutsu-kun.. infact, it seems so nice(so far..)that i've jz finished it's latest chapter of manga since the anime update was too slow..(yea, i realized im addicted to diff thngs each time when rushing projects) anyway, if u like romance comedy with reli hot characters with interesting plot.. this should be ya 1st choice x3 or shud i say "if u prefer any manga/anime with hot characters and interesting plot, this is ya 1st choice" <3 my fav chracters in the story r mitty, natsume, haru, yamaken, yuuzan.. though my type is certainly yuuzan, but i reli like yamaken and haru as well.. so far, im pretty attracted to yamaken, perhaps im having sum sorta > "2nd guy fever" .. well.. sometimes the 2nd main guy is more attractive in sum other stories(i still like haru though x3 since he's also hot :P) ahhh... if ya know what i min.... x333.... but i guess the reason im easily attracted by yuuzan and yamaken is becz they are both feminine looking guy, meanwhile still hot as a guy.. LOL~~~ anyway, mitty is really cool too.. infact, she's handsome x3 (maybe in the way of attitude?maybe.. o.O she really has those sorta characteristics which belongs to a main GUY in romance story)

DAMNNN.. im certainly having high fever abt manga guys again!!! >///< .... << never be too old for this .. lolx~~~

father?partner?

so something funny happened today in class.. ther were oni 3 ppl at the beginning of lesson today including my lecturer and then we all were sorta chatting abt gangnam style .. and suddenly, the another gurl said tat gangnam style's dance is usually popular among ppl 50 years old and above.. and i replied:" yeahh, i thnk dats true cz my FATHER knows how to dance yet i dont." and then somehow, the lecturer heard "PARTNER" when i said "FATHER".. so he asked:"heyy, how old r u actually?" and i answered:"im 19". then he said sumthng really.. well.. funny.. i guess, he replied:" so ur PARTNER is much older than you are?" and i was like..." errr... no..", he:"so he's not above 50?" me.." err.. no..." and then he was like:" ohhh.. but u said jz nw that ur PARTNER is above 50?" ...... me.. " ohhhh.. that was my FATHER.." and so i was laughing and the lecturer was also laughing and said to another gurl(who is also laughing): "ohhhh!!! no wonder u were so quiet about it..!!" and so we all laughed again.. to be honest, it was pretty embarrassing.. -.-

bad mood

Not in good mood today.. feeling awful.. need to torture someone..

p.s. I love you?! seriously??

so I've jz finished watching this movie >> p.s. I love you. to be honest, it sucked.. like.. really... SUCKED.. and ther r countless reasons to that.. 1st of all, the settings were stupid, for example: the random guy appeared in the movie for just a short while, doing nothing much to the story except sleeping wit the main female and singing for her like after her husband's death in less than a month..(or maybe around that) guess what, he ended up with the main female in the end rather than another guy who appeared alot in the movie and liked the woman from the beginning and the reason they din end up together was becz they don't have feelings for each other after they kissed.. the guy said he was like kissing with his sister, I min.. I get that and it was normal for thngs like this to be happened, but that was just f*cking DUMD..(if you know what I min).. and another wrong part with the movie was the gurl's clothing style, she didnt have a fixed style of clothing in the movie though she had such strong characteristics .. so lets see few from the list: art student clothing(with tons of colours going on), mature-looking tight dress, vintage/retro looking dress, hoodies...etc and all were just too dissimilar in style-.- plus, her acting skills was so bad+fake and just made u felt like she was just reacting to each individual scenes rather than connecting all the parts together.. maybe it was becz of her clothing.. but it was rather irritating and disturbing to actually watch her kissing scenes.. in fact, it was kinda killing me to watch it -.- it looked so damn weird(it's not gross, but .. trust me.. it's weird) and i dont thnk it was related to her acting skills watsoever.. //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// there are countless of reasons that this movie is bad(like mani of the parts just seem wrong..)I dont even know y the novel was once so popular back then, I agree that the way , which the husband left letters for his wife after his death was kinda creative, but somehow I just get the feeling like the author just throwing cheesy stuffs into the story in order to make the it more romantic or something, but it jz didnt make sense..I thnk the romantic feelings still can be reflected even from the small and simple things instead of.. you know.. saying cheesy stuffs.. doing cheesy things..it was just too FAKE.. more fake than "THE VOW" ( \though the vow is inspired by true events..) ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////// I was trying my very best to finish the movie so that I could remove it from my movies collection smoothly.. anyway, I'm so GLAD I didnt read the book -.-

grp project

damn the grp project !!! Im having another grp project this time and its about making a youtube clip and get as mani views as possible.. so there are 4 ppl in the grp.. and of cz, there are few issues within.. 1st: theres a fren of mine who chose to grp with another fren of her which i knew was gonna be useless after all, and the fren of her chose to grp with another useless person who hasnt even finished her previous project yet.. 2nd: the friend of mine keeps wanna insist in her idea even when other members dun like it.. 3rd: we were planning to get it uploaded during the weekend but one of the member jz have to work and stuff so we hav to postpone it.. 4th: my fren who didnt get approval with her idea doesnt feel happy whatsoever, thnking that "OUR" idea went to waste (P.S. i wasnt involved in the idea, i was just adapting with hers, yet she thinks im on the same boat with her idea, and now shes dragging me around)... 5th: I cant thnk of 5th yet, but I hate group project...!!! ////////////////////////////////////////////////////// owhhh, greaat.. now 2 of the members wanna quit..my reaction >> GO KILL YOURSELF!!

punishment

you know i dun wanna talk abt this, but.. as a lesson for the future-me.. I have to.. so i have finally handed in all my projects, which i've been rushing since last week.. but i dun feel happy or relieved........ so lets strt frm last week: ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// I had three project, D due on tue, postcards due on ytd and F due today.F was a long project that required lots of time and commitment.. this was the reason i chose to finish both D and postcards first so that i cud fully concentrate on F. I finished the postcards pretty early but D was a folio project so i gotta spend some time working on it, then i ended up finishing them on monday.. while on tuesday we were sorta having presentation abt ideas and stuff abt the finishing product thngy.. this was the another part which i was pretty pissed off cz i din get much comment on my design comparedas it wasnt inspiring to me watsoever..the teacher was jz saying "it's pretty nice effect on the artwork..~ " and other stuff...for me, this was more disappointing than receiving critics ... bt its sumthing i shud learn to create a design that offers discussion for audience..ANYWAY, the point was ... the deadline of that project has been CHANGED to NEXT WEEK.. >>>I jz nid some1 to smack me in the face..<<< bt in a positive thnkin, i have time to fix my design again.. anyway, this jz change my entire day as i was spending so much time on a project that due next week while leaving another project to be completed in 3days.. -.- let me repeat myself.. project F was a total headache cz it needs TIME...etc. bt I was jz exhausted with everythng.. so i went to sleep early and planning to start doing project F in the morning of wed.. so this left me 2 DAYS to complete a 12PAGES of webpage..(i used to spend 3-4days for 4pages of design in last project of previous sem) So i was trying pretty hard and giving my best for the remaining.. which brought us to ytd.. I stayed up until 3-4am and planning to wake up at 6-7 this morning.. and GUESS WAT, I OVERSLEPT and woke up at 8.. while the project was due be4 12.30.. I din even have memory of hearing 2 of my alarms ringing.. guess i was sleeping-dead... In the end, I submitted my project in 12.24pm which is be4 deadline and i was relieved abt it until i realized 2 navigation in each of my webpages were "terbalik" after returning frm toilet(yea.. toilet)..and it was nearly 12.30.. bt i decided gave it my all to fix the navigation.. AT THIS TIME, my laptop suddenly became LAGGGGGGG before i cud strt fixing the stuff.. which left me 2 minutes... and when i was finished and ready to submit again.. it was 12.31.... that time i was jz reli frustrated(still abit frustrated nw) as all my efforts had GONE..gone.. i was thnking y wudnt i wait for toilet be4 checking the webpage.. etc.. ther were lots of stuff on my mind.. I figured mayb i shudnt submit again after all since ther was gonna be reduction of marks 5% becz of late submission....so i jz went to my class right away.... however, i stil hav submitted it for the second time cz i realized it is much important to hand in a proper work rather than submitting a bad work on time.. so i returned home after class to re-submit the work again.. (as the rest is all up to the teacher to choose either to be marked)..I dun expect much result for this project so i reli nida nail the upcoming project.. in order to balance up the scores.. though quality of design shudnt be defined my scores.. bt i dun lik the design of anythng below "DI" & "HD"... so... still.. GOD BLESS ME.. ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// these are obviously a punishment/lesson for me to not procrastinate anymore.. cz all the problems mentioned above wudnt exist if i chose to strt working earlier.. It's a habit and choice.. but i gotta overcome it..

Cold? nahhh

So recently, I've discovered that Im the type of person that easily get bored..(i thnk i've mentioned this be4) anyway, I've also realized my lack of feelings in certain stuffs.. it's nt that im cold blooded or sumthin, it's just dat I dun feel as much for certain thngs compared with others.. mayb it depends on the subject(only with thngs that im strongly interested)..or else.. hmm.. guess Im jz dat kinda person :P

friendship

So I've been thnking about this recently..(yes, i have mani projects to do yet im thnking abt other stuffs..): mani ppl have been talking abt:"yeahhh, it's normal u guys arent as close anymore compared to last time, it's normal that ppl changed and it's also perfectly normal if u guys just stopped being friends gradually". But, it's not fine with me, I dont wanna just sit and talked abt bunch of those stuff rather than taking actions before it's too late.. and I surely dont wanna thnk back in future that I kinda miss those friends, but.. what to do~ we havent been in touch for years while knowing that you werent trying ur best to keep the friendship going.. it sucks!!

always stay strong

today, I've jz found out that my fren has a few serious issues.. 1st her agents threatening her by asking to pay sum ads money or else she wud have to move out, 2nd, she doesnt have a proper laptop and line for working for sch projects(this week is crucial cz of folio submission on nex week, so if she moves out, wud be hard for her to concentrate on study) and lastly her parents got divorce few days ago so she doesnt wanna let them know abt her conditions..As a friend, I really hope things would work out for her D:however, thes have also taught me to always stay strong and positive..

my current mental state

Im not in gud condition mentally.. well, actually physically too.. /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// anyway, I nida submit alot of stuffs on next week and now Im totally freaked out cz of .. well.. I hvnt really done much thngs.. plus, I have realized that I lost sumthing important as an designer/artist(whatever you cal that) and even as human being.. which was I had forgotten how to dream D: until ytd I noticed I forgot how to draw underwater world which everyone used to draw since kindergarten/primary school.. and this made me realized that how could I ever forgot something as important?? yes, my techniques have improved thru all thes years, but it's just... goshhhh.. and I've been eating alot recently..(yess, we're talking abt A LOT) aissshhhh, hope i could recover as soon as possible.. no!!! I have to overcome thes issues !! ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// anyway, I've been planning that I would really love to further my study in new york after graduate my degree cz I don't wanna stay at the same few countries all the time, I wanna see and explore more in many different countries!! :) ........here am i , speaking abt new york and not finishing my projects.. god bless me /.\