My 21st Birthday

So I should really be doing my assignment right now, but today.. I'm definitely having the mood to express my feelings.. I've always been wondering if it is actually possible to shed any tears when someone or group of people hold a surprise birthday party for you and makes u feel like crying right when they holding birthday cake in front of you while singing the birthday song. Oh well... so it's my 21st birthday today.. I've always been thinking of how it's gonna be celebrated and I'm not even surprised that I ended up celebrating my birthday doing assignments, which is the same as last few years. I even asked few of friends out for gathering so that I don't have to celebrate my birthday alone again this year, but I decided to "postpone" it since few of them aren't available whether they are not in the state or having other business that day.. not that we are not gonna have fun together and I know that we gonna enjoy each other's company..But.. I thought.. what's the point for asking people out for celebrating if it actually makes you feet more "alone"..? Well.. Few of my friends did ask me out to celebrate and have a good time on my birthday.. but oh well, I had to turn them down and.. to be honest.. It was because of assignments again.. and I keep reminding myself that having birthday doesn't give me the excuse to abandon my study and time..
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I was totally fine to have celebrated my birthday without "celebrating" since that's how I've always been "celebrating" my birthday.. However, my brother's girlfriend actually came over my place today bringing tons of food and few slices of cake for me after finding out I'm not able to go out and have fun on my birthday but instead.. staying at home having assignments to keep me company..on my 21st birthday.. And I wasn't even close enough with my brother's girlfriend.. But I'm still very glad that she made the effort to do all these things for me, whether she's doing for the sake of sincerity or not. She even made my family to sing birthday song to me via webcam.. and through the video, I saw all my family members together at the time... and I haven't been together with my family members for not a period that I could remember, not even when I was living in the same house with them... At that moment, I did feel like crying..This might not be an "awesome" way to celebrate 21st birthday, but for the first time.. I truly understand the meaning of birthday, and that means having your beloved ones being grateful to have you born in this world.

Jotting down dreams

First of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR FOR MYSELF in this 2014 and years so-on. Been awhile since i ever blogged and there was so much happening for the past few months of my holidays until return to my uni life recently, a week of uni felt like a month to me.. well, I supposed I shouldn't have said this. Oh well.. things happened during my holidays in both good ways and bad ways as well, but I guessed that's what we called life ehh? We should keep moving on when things aren't in the way we wanted, but we should always stay strong while picking up the pieces hence chase after our goals through efforts, "it's painful to have dreams sometimes", but it's rather painful not to have one... almost as numb. Wait... Why am suddenly I talking about these stuff anyway.. 
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So, I did this quiz earlier which then the result stated that I'm pretty distressed myself despite the fact that most of the time I spent was just slacking off... but somehow I wasn't surprised with the result. The site was pretty interesting tho... I should prolly share it here as well.. here y'all go : http://mp.weixin.qq.com/mp/appmsg/show?__biz=MjM5NjAyOTk4NQ%3D%3D&appmsgid=10014713&itemidx=6&sign=2e61ad7af851ae94715cadc3f57e8ce3&scene=4#wechat_redirect
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And.. how did I go bragging about another thing again... Welll.. well.. I've just been to this gathering with club mates yesterday and there was this girl I talked to whom couldn't stop talking about her dreams and how her friends ended up getting positive recognition by story-telling her dreams in their creative writings.. essay..artwork.. etc..
I wasn't really interested about her dreams anyway.. not that they're not "artistic".. Just not my thing.. -.- even though all I wanted was just for her to shut up. (woots.. seems like I'm pretty hot-tempered today)
But.. I'm particularly agree with her idea of jotting down details of the dreams in turn to help remembering the fun parts... hmmm, I should perhaps start doing that as well. From today onwards, I shall start jotting down my dreams via blogging! ^_^ tee heee~

people are complicated

So here am I again trying to voice some of my thoughts about human.. from.. the perspective as a human. After meeting and talking to people with different personalities. I'm not saying that what I going to say is true or fixed but just another piece of my perspective.
exp 1: For a girl who's saying another girl as judgmental material but at the same time criticizing other girls for wearing provocative, doesn't that just make u the same as judgmental as the girl you mentioned? because u pretty much just judged someone on their appearance.
exp2: Walking in a gallery pretended with "professional" attitude but talked rudely to elder woman for being noisy and lack of respect to the surroundings/paintings. But how is your own attitude make u any different from the others even if you were trying to be "highly moral" infront of your favorite artist paintings? Didn't that just make u the same as ignorant and less respectful to the paintings for being angry with other people under this kind of circumstances? Do you really think that acting in that way in a perhaps-high-class gallery/exhibition would make you any different or better than anybody else? really? how much is your understanding for your so-called ART?
exp3: Everyone wants to be different, listen to songs that are different than everyone else.. saying that pop songs are made for the sake of people liking. How do you explain your appreciation toward songs that less people listen just because it's "different"(or maybe that's what you called music)? of course you can talk about how those songs have deeper meanings and stuff, but there can be many reasons for one to like something that makes them feel comfortable. So why won't you just stop judging and let people to like things based on their own reasons. It's like you're trying not to judge, but you have already proved you're just as ignorant and pretentious during the process.
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Maybe typing this pile of text has already proven I'm also a judgmental person. But what I'm trying to say is that humans are weird creatures, the hardest thing for me to be as a human is to be honest to myself yet it is also one of the thing I never stop trying to be and still find it difficult. Yet, there are always contradiction happen to the people around us including ourselves, the funny thing is we are always the last one to ever find out the conflict within our own.

like

Its been awhile again ever since i blogged.. but today.. there is something that i must mention.Recently i just finished a project in uni and there was this f*ckin irritating teacher who trying to mess with me.. as she was probably the one who is gonna mark my project.. i have gt no choice but to consult with this ignorant "teacher" who was so fulled of herself and ofcourse.. most other students think she is disgusting as well.anyway.. she was the type of person who just not gonna appreciate the effort of others no matter how hard they try.. and no matter how hard i try to reach her expectation.. she just focused on criticizing instead of giving real advise..she is just that irritating even as a human. And because all this.. i was feeling so distressed.. however.. when i think of my days during foundation.. i realized that even though i didnt achieve much of super duper good grades for my foundation project.. i still love all the pieces that i have done during that period.. and all the experiences and artworks are still my favourite compare to degree.. this is when i realized i should always do whatever i like for this moment..and i dont have to care about reaching any expectation as long as i enjoy the moment doing what i want to do.. because.. if u cant please other no matter how much u have tried.. why not save the effort and time on creating something that you truly like and make u yourself proud..? you can chase after or set any target u like for your own future.. but never let the future ruin your presence.

A call

So here am i posting again.. After the last few months.. As information, i have not been in really good condition lately.. Mostly stuff from Uni and laptop issue i had (tho its probably fixed now) Anyway, i just finished calling with my father..well we usually dont have much common topic together as we dont talk as much eventho we are on call.. So.. Jz now he was just asking how am i doin as usual and i just replied that I've feeling stressed wit my study lately.. Good thing was he asked me not to get too hard on myself and rather just try my best.. And asked me to call him anytime when I dont feel well before we ended the call..while whole conversation only lasted for maybe 15 mins.. Maybe its just my condition.. I literally shed a tear right after the call..

Whenever I'm slacking off

Whenever I'm slacking off, I like to think about some deep theories.. so what I've thought today is >> There are ppl who changed gradually according to period of time (oh well.. everyone changes), for some of those ppl who chg to way better often feel proud of themselves n thnking they would do anythng not to go back to how they were before. But, wats important for me is.. ppl may hate their pasts, but one should be grateful n not forget about all of it.. becz those r part of us which we cant get rid of, n those r wat made us stronger today. And for me, those who couldnt accept their pasts are weak n lost eventhough they may appear to be stronger based on the outside. ///////////////////////// If you noe wat i min. :)

the day i skipped class :X

So yeap, I skipped my lecture and tutorial for today becz im already in the easter holiday's mood. Bt anyway, I did go to a couple of places in city today.. 1st i was reli desperate for a good, satisfying breakfast.. bt instead, I was too desperate that i ended up having just breads for breakfast.. then, aftr I spent sum money on cosmetics, i made my way to NGV by tram and only found out that it's usually closed on every Tues.. instead of chilling at NGV coffee place, I had to make my way back to the nearby Starbucks to just.. sit, relaxed n chilled.. well.. while reading the script of my club's production..(wic i did not understand a sht abt the story since it was too abstract) So when I was sitting on the tram waiting to reach starbucks, an old lady behind me was suddenly passed out.. so there were few ppl who were taking care of the lady and informing the tram's driver abt the fainted lady.. well, she wasnt reli fainted bt she wasnt conscious.. so wen the driver asked her hw does she felt, she was saying sumthin lik "im sweaty.. bla bla bla" and stuff u see.. her face was clearly pale tho.. then the driver quickly got her sum water and stopped the tram service while ther was another older man thumbs up at the driver and praised him "..goo..d..good.." :P Since the tram is no longer operating at dat moment, I had to get the tram behind.. so there were quite loads of ppl who were entering so luckily i gt a seat, bt i was ended up having to giv my seat to an old man who happened to stand infront of me... and it was my 1st time of actually asking the person to take my seat rather than just get off my seat silently and hope for d person to take my seat...well, atlis I done a good deed when i was skipping classes.. LOL /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// oh well, tho i skipped my classes.. I still had a pretty good and smooth day.. atlis I actually felt alive by wondering around the city even just alone rather than sitting in tutorial pretending to be brainstorming of ideas.. well, I wasnt reli alone all day, I met wit yoyo and bernice... bt d point was I realized that Im trying too hard to not being stressed when its actually the main reason of y I'm stressed lately.. or u can put it this way >> Im stressing of trying not to be stressed.. if u noe wat i min..